I dont know

I'm so bored I want to die.
Leave everything and just stop existing.
I know I shouldn't be too conscious of people's expectations towards to me but lately it's been a lot to take in.Music doesn't help,reading doesn't help,distraction failed,I feel numb all over.Outside this door is a family whose expectations are sky high for me,outside home are friends new and old who is getting tired of me,outside is people bustling about life,lovers who are kissing and lovers breaking up,students laughing in the streetways,the long long trees changing appearance along with the seasons,in this room is me and my unending chaotic thoughts.I don't know what to call this,sadness?Overthinking? Stressed? Anger?Anxiety? Tired? Depression? I don't know and dont wanna know.I'm not sure if I want to be held or be forgotten,I just want to disappear till I feel better.I don't want people telling me it's okay,I want nothing to do with people,here or anywhere.Let me be miserable.In silence.I won't take my life,harm myself or anyone.But I just hope my parents think their daughter is fine and thriving,just a little longer until I wade through this,a little longer before my friends realize and give me that look,a little longer before I jam to my fav song, a little longer before I can pick up the pen and study like I have to.Until then I want to be forgotten,not like a distant memory,but as if I never existed.