Doing this for fun, say what you want. I'll still going to do this.

Hi! Once, quite a while in the past I once make a thread on asking anyone to just give their opinion about the story I wrote. Thing is, I hardly ever able to write details in my characters perspective. I only able to write what I see from my own perspective about how things are.

Spoiler: The past

Anyway, the story that I used to wrote was "Fall" it's a fantasy story about an angel that was casts down to become a calamity to elevate the greatness of the gods and heroes, while also eradicating the traces of the ancients civilization that pose quite a threat to heavens back then. After the angel becomes calamity and wreak havoc, he was then slain by the heroes "chosen" by the gods. When he dies, immortals were meant to perish in a place called Oblivion, it didn't work.

Thanks due to his existence being defined as something irreplaceable. His name was used to solidify the heroes and gods temples standing through fear of a possibility that he might comes back. Thus instead of being erased, he was stuck in between state of existence and non-existence for thousands of years, until one day. An outsider intervenes and brought him out, whereas he got reincarnated into the body of an already braindead(as in his brain activity has already ceased, leaving the body an empty shell) boy named, Licht. And well, you know how the rest goes.

And if any were to ask as to why "Fall" didn't work. Well, Licht was meant to have relationship with this girl, who's something he calls an old-legend, she's the reincarnation of the actual calamity, the king of demons. But as I went on and on, the story became more centered on her instead of Licht, which is why it's really weird when someone who's your protagonist instead became more or less a sideshow to his romantic interest, well, I don't have a much more elaborating choice of words. But the point is, the story became more or less centered around her instead of him. So... I have to scrapped the idea. T-T

Eventually, I decided to make a new story through recycling from what remains of "Fall"

Spoiler: Here's the result

1. Licht > became the male lead, but he's not the main character.
2. The girl, her name's Aresia > became the main protagonist, center of this story.
3. It's still about revenge, but I served it with a twist.
4. Time travel stuff, don't make me explain.
5. Licht has multiple identities, and they're all sentient with their own personalities, thus they're all individuals.
6. Based on what 5 is, yes, you can deduce that the relationship becomes a reverse harem, but the male lead is a package deal
7. There are returning characters from "Fall" such as; Aresia's twin brothers, Lilith, and Pandora.
8. The world-building is a mix of Arknights Terra, PM(ProjectMoon) City, Library of Ruina, and I don't know what to call it, about "world made out of stories".
9. The romance starts waaaaay in the prologue, and both Licht and Aresia were married and even have children, 5 of them.
10. Licht isn't a human, he's an angel, a demon, a god, a monster, and even a bug (though most falls into subspecies demon category).

 

This seems like fun! But be careful, romance and action don’t mix well together- action is usually from the author’s hand forcing things to happen, while romance is about characters being themselves so it becomes a struggle between the authors hand and the characters’ will

 

Ahahaha... tbh, you really nailed it about that, since that's the very reason why my first work, the "Fall" has to be scrapped. At the time, I deeply in love with Roxana manhwa, I mean domineering FL and more or less subservient ML, it's just good, and the art too. And then comes the scene where Roxanna plays bold to create a concrete evidence that she's treating Cassis as a toy by leaving a bite mark on him. And to me at the time it was amazing.
So, I tried to do it on my story, and... it's bad, really terrible. I made Aresia(Yes, she's the one who bit) to do that on Licht(He's the recipient) as a mean of courting someone, and that instantly hit me... I'm not making a domineering tyraness, I'm making a Yandere possessive psycho! Even more when throughout the story I made her favor Licht in turns of his servitude and liking, and that's messed up.

 

Spoiler: summary:

I've lived and died many times.
First, a naive little saintess with unfortunate fate.
Then the wicked witch who brings about the world ends.
A stupid princess who does not knows her place.
A tyrant--
A murderer--
And many, many more...
Before eventually... a wife and a mother.
It was the most precious of all my lives, I want it to be my one and only... I really, want it so bad.
But eventually, we all have to wake up. Even from the most pleasant of dreams.
Yet, when I woke up, becoming a six year old again, in the same life as I have always been?
Am I awake--
--or this is yet another Nightmare?

This is what I have for the new story:

Spoiler: The Saintess

so Aresia "Eris"(that's how I call her) Faux was a Saint, however without divinity, she was dubbed a false Saint and was prosecuted, scorn before eventually gets executed. However, as she dies, she wakes up and find herself returned to the time when she was chosen as a Saint, she believed what she experienced was a nightmare at the time...

Spoiler: The Witch

But, it continues, the same experience, over and over, until one day. Eris learns that her patron god, the one who choose her was Death. What good could come out of someone chosen by Death? When her execution came again, out of anger, and desire to live, she awoken her power. It is not divine, it is corrosive and leeching. The power to absorb life from the living, [to reap is to sow] the malevolent power of death. And in that moment of realization, Eris came to conclusion that she's not a savior. She's the Witch that's meant to end this world...

Spoiler: The Princess

After ending the world, she again wakes up, frustrated to returned back. This time however, not wanting to suffer the same life as she had being the Saint, she offers herself to the Imperial family who's in conflict with the Temple/Church for influence. She told the Emperor that she's a Saint, and the Temples/Churches without a Saint, along with wide area search that comes out in vain. They'll lose public support, and lost the fight. The Emperor, intrigued then asks for what she would like in return. And Eris wanted nothing but protection in exchange of her service. The Emperor agrees, and decide to wed her to the Crown prince, who is a narcissistic, greedy, and lustful a**.

He saw Eris as nothing but a tool of convenience, a toy and a servant. Even when he ascend to the throne, he treats her, his Empress as no more but a figurehead. And eventually, he even executes her out of boredom. Thus, the Princess who does not know her place.

Spoiler: The Tyrant

So again, she returned back. Now, angry. She does not return to the Temple/Church, but she returned to the Emperor, again same thing. She offers the lost of Saint in exchange of protection, but she also demand that he take her as his daughter. Which, further intrigues the Emperor because she could serve as stimulation for his son to become a better man. She did NOT, she literally overwhelms the Crown Prince influence. She took over the administrative work and gain the favor of noble court. She punish the corrupt and rewarded those who earned it.

The Prince, angry, and backed with nothing but abundance of money led a coup in name of removing "a filthy blood" from sitting on the throne. It did NOT end well, a one-sided massacre. No survivor from the enemy, even children that did not participate on the coup, all were executed. She beheads the Prince, and was called righteous Tyrant for it. Afterward, she lived her life and died, though this was by far the most peaceful death she ever had.

Spoiler: The Murderer

But peace never last, she again returns and she's just tired, so tired of everything that she has no desire for power or anything. Then she was found by a group of people in cloak, they call her with the names of who she was in previous lives; Last of Saints, The Witch, The foolish Princess, and Righteous Tyrant. The Librarian they called themselves, a group led by a woman referred to as Book-Keeper.
Would like to meet her, one who'd lived through numerous lives.

And once they met, the Book-Keeper, real name Pandora immediately tries to kill her, she believes that Eris should've the correct information to formulate a book that will have answer that she's searched for millenia "Where are the gods who bound me, and how to kill them." After a long fight, Pandora falls and becomes a book, her book tells the story of a girl that the gods sacrificed to condemns mortals, and was left to suffer from their machinations of hatred and entertainment. And there, Eris learns that gods have long abandoned the world, toward somewhere unknown. Pandora finds their departure as some sort of a sick joke, because they made her to fulfill something bad and just leaves her to suffer afterward without anything at all... Eris stop reading the book, and afterward became her replacement. She opens the Library, whereupon she invites people in by luring them with a knowledge they desire the most, and kill them to gain their knowledge. Different from Pandora however, Eris was indiscriminate to her guest, she invites everyone, and kills them all, she was a heartless Murderer. The killing continues until there's no one left in the world, and none of the knowledge she have were of help her to answer her question.

"How can I disappear?"

Too heavy? Also, the murderer part was actually inspired by Library of Ruina protagonist named "Angela," she is an AI that was developed to fulfilled a goal, but after years of existing, she developed conscience and heart. But her creator however, refuse to reciprocate the affection she needs.

And as the last straw, she wasn't even included her creator ending... and it just broke her, thus she decided to foil her creator's goal, and instead, for the first time. Making a choice of her own.

Afterward, she founded the Library which was constructed out of her own cognitif manifestation. She wants to become a human, a real one. But she doesn't know how to do so, and thus began to inviting people to the Library where they're promised with knowledge they searched, but if they lose, they will become books that serves to formulate a knowledge to help her in becoming a human.

 

A fellow Library of Ruina enjoyer!! I really love Roland! But anyway, hmmm I think this is a bit odd, the first few chapters are interesting, just remember that you can’t drag it out, otherwise the readers could feel like they are wasting their time. However, I am far more concern of you copying and pasting the premise of Library of Ruina. Think about, she found her book, she has no reason to do this anymore- what can she gain? She already gained what she wanted and needed. There is no point to it.
In general, it’s better to have one idea and stick to it, since that gives consistency, and I feel that the library is just too random and unnecessary. What you could do is actually turn the librarian into an alley/side character as a servant of death, however she has a different form of reliving. Since she’s also under that curse, they find a way to release themselves. Think about it this way- every character has a reason to enter the story, otherwise they have no motivation, no needs vs. wants. So what is the point of the librarian entering the story? She gains nothing.

 

Your concern wasn't wrong, but. I wasn't finished yet.

Spoiler: The wife and a mother.

So, after the "murderer" ends... Eris regressed again, but this time it was intercepted. Her soul was taken part ways to Hell, and when she woke up in a different place, she thought "Wait-no way... did I just die?" and that makes her bit happier, before realizing that... "wait, so that's it... this is death?"

"Excuse me, but no. You're not dead yet, although I wouldn't say that you're alive as well."

Eris turns and found a man, he looks like an angel, gorgeous and unparalleled, but not quite as well from black charcoal horns and scarlet eyes. Eris asks who is he and where are they? The man, then introduces himself as someone who's life she ruined and they're somewhere far from prying eyes of the gods.

Eris just stares at him blankly, in judging manner before saying "Uh... I don't remember killing someone as edgy as you."

"W--WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!"

He got mad, she's sorry. So he ended up introducing himself properly, he's the Devil. And they're in a parts of Hell that's not exactly within Hell itself. The Devil was about to say more--when Eris suddenly cries in tear, which surprises him because he doesn't mean any harm and felt alarmed because she suddenly crying, but when he was just about to ask whether she's okay. Eris laughs, maniacally.

And she claims that the Devil is her answer, which he have no idea what she's talking about.
Eris asks him to kill her, and he was like "WHOA, slow down that's really out of nowhere, like why--"

"Because if you don't I'll keep repeating everything."

"..."

Spoiler: The batshit crazy fight between them, one they called "First Date".

That just spiralled the mood down awkward, and in the end. The Devil refuse, and that rejection was not taken kindly. She decided to force him by making him angry, casting spells(remember the Library? Yeah, she kills off bunch of magician and learns magic.) The Devil at first has no need to worry about trivial mortal magic, that is until one just blast him along with his throne.

And he was like WTF?! The Throne was something that even, who spends centuries or probably millenia trying to break free to no avail, mostly was due to the fact it's meant as his cage and restraint, and she just obliterates it that easy? Eris was about to throw another spell, but he punch her in the face, promptly stop the casting and apologize for doing that.
Apology rejected, she utilize healing spell and agility enchantment, and returned the punch. That was really unexpected to him.

The Devil tries to talk her down, didn't work and he ended up having batshit crazy fight just to quelled her anger, which... demolished their surroundings, his cage of a palace.

Eventually, both calmed down. And Eris ended up fainting from exerting too much of her powers beyond her limit.

Later on, she woke up on the floor. The Devil told her to calm down, talk, and be reasonable.
So, she did and she explain her reasoning of wanting to die and why asks him out of nowhere to kill her. Understandable, but even he have no idea whether he's capable of doing that.

Then comes the Devil's story:
So, he was actually a fallen angel, betrayed by the gods and was imprisoned by the demons. He was called the Devil, but before this he has a name, but that was robbed from his memory, from everyone's memory in-fact.

Because of that he was weakened, and Eris sorts of remembered about what their world was: The lands of stories, where words holds power, name gave life, and stories defines their being.

The Devil must've been quite an angel if the story he said was true.

Anyway, the problem: The Throne that she destroyed was actually his restrictor, and it's meant to weaken overtime as a joke for him to try and break free in vain until the time when the world was meant to end. But... Eris destroying and dying, somehow reverted everything back, that's why he's bringing her here, to talk it out.

Unfortunately though, Eris have no control over her regression, but it does surprises her that she's not regressing, she's literally reverting the world back? Unbelievable.
Still, that's said she apologize for doing that, and then asks the Devil to return her back.
...
...
...
"Uh... I must say, that, er, well... I only know how to bring people here. Not, returning them. So, sor--"

*Immediately starts an unexpected one-sided beating

 

I somehow feel that Eris turned into a Mary Sue, due to the library she learned magic and has become unimaginably string and can get everything she wants, except escaping death. Which, at this point, isn’t something horrific since she seems to have a will of her own/your own of forcing the plot. I really don’t think the library is a good idea anymore, like what is different if you skip the library? She could go straight to hell to get lectured, for whatever reason. I think the library harms the story rather than add to it. But it’s your story, so take this post as a gain of salt

 

Ah, so that's what mary sue means.

Hmm... maybe instead of being the replacement of the head to the Library, she became terrified by what she'd just discovered from Pandora's book. When her Librarians found her and Pandora's book, they all charged at her, blaming her with all sorts, because to them Pandora was their Messiah of sort, she'll lead them to a world without a god by completely severing the leash they had on their fate.

Eris who was cornered had no other choice and she ended up killing a lot of them. And she feels incredibly guilty because, she just killed bunch of people who were like her, lost souls in need of an answer, something to free them from whatever thing that made them sick of living.

In the end, for the first time in dozens of her regression. She took her own life.
.
.
.
Less Mary Sue now? Oh, and also that batshit crazy fight scene, it seems like her using her divine power could suffice. I mean she's a Saint, she can't exactly do powerful magic but how about holy ray and enchantment? I mean her opponent was the devil, though environment do made it tricky, we can say that the devil losing his name have deterred his power quite a lot.

Is it better now?
Also, there is this quickie about the world:

Spoiler: Lands of Lorelei

So the world is called "Lands of Lorelei"
In this world ALL STORIES ARE TRUE

From myths, legends, and even folklore.

However, this also ends up defining the lives of the inhabitants too: Name holds power, words gave the mean, and story defines them.

No, there's no abnormalities here. Monsters are all the same, but they can evolve in case something were to happen due to sudden change in their believe, like take a direwolf, it ends up becoming a lycan after people starts believing that a bite from a wolf on a full moon can change people into a wolf as well.

Factions? Well, between Temple of *recommend name for gods*, Augustine Empire, several duchies along with nobilities and minor kingdoms. Oh, almost forgot about the Akademiya, run by the "Archivist" and there's indeed a walking museum made that displays object of significance in history owned by the "Collector", and Theatre of memories that belongs to a "Fair Lady".

Plot characters?
Well...

Spoiler: Witches

Do note: Witches are much different than what Casters are, the common words to call magician.
They're kind of well, not human but came from them. And they holds power that will even, be a threat to most primal apex of Lorelei, the Dragons.

There are five witches:
White, The Preposterous: She love mankind, but couldn't help but to hate them as much as she loves them, all because they're the very reflection of those who cursed her. At first I wanted to make, Pandora/the Archivist the White Witch, but that'll make her a mary sue. Going to find a way though to make her or someone becoming White.

Gold, The Eternal: He values this world, but knows that it will not last forever, so he often collects what he deems worthy of keeping in his museum where all is preserved for him to behold. He's the eldest of the Witches, and often the most elusive. His name is Golding, and no Witches are not bound by genderism, it's sort of hereditary title. So even a male Witch wasn't something to be weirded too much. Among the Witches, Golding loves to play game, particularly hide and seek, he's this guy who turns a family game to escape the gathering. Those who found him though, got something they'll direly need in the future or present.

Spoiler: Golding's depression and inability to move on

Golding once met and fell in love with someone, and he loves this person dearly more than his Witches siblings. And the sudden death of this person broke him, emotionally.
First because it was his first love and damn, losing it was truly painful. He decided to forget it, but he never could. Until, he erase the existence of his love from his memory and instantly regrets it. The world never look the same as it used to, he forgets how to love, and in turn he have no idea how to reciprocate a feeling and could only serves them with facial smile and intonation, but no genuine feeling at all.

Blue, The Daydreaming: She's the youngest, most rascalous of the Witches. Her realm is that of dreambound palace that serves as a theatre where people would relive their most fond memories in life, however. Due to a certain incident, she yearns to end the world, long before Eris does, but was imprisoned by a certain tribe of demons, which led to their extinction. Her name's Velvet, once made a moniker "The Daydreaming Velvet Blue" which is a reference to Persona series.

Spoiler: Velvet's tragic past

Anyway, Velvet once had an attendant she created out of her dream, and well it ends terrible for them both because one, this attendant was a male knight named Ga1ahad who became madly in love to her, but she didn't reciprocate his love and leads him to "violate" her, and that was not taken kindly by her. She ended up killing Ga1ahad, but unsatisfied, she wants to destroy all dreams which in turns the world of the living itself. Fortunately, this was stopped by a demon tribe that specialize on dream walking, they're called Weavers. They imprisoned her within a realm they wove with their own dreams, it was a terrible idea because later, Velvet corrupts the Weavers to be consumed by their predation, leading the whole tribe to devour each other.

Red, The Abundant: Of all the Witches she's probably the kindest and easiest to talk to, but make no mistake. Often enough her kindness, or rather "generosity" will bring more troubles than it was to solve the, Gold and White, along with the last of their sibling often ponder, who is the most troublesome between Red and Blue.
The current Red is a Vampire, the first Red whom Gold and White love to compared to have passed on her own will, the Vampire who now holds her tittle is a dear acquaintance of her.

Black, The Unforgiving: Contrary to how her title sounds, Black is rather gentle and compassionate, although pissed her off... even Blue and Red will immediately shiver in fear because her ways of getting back at someone is times more sophisticated than White was. Black's name is Titania, and she's the Queen of Demons.

Spoiler: How terrifying Black was

Once there was this lore-hunter, someone who make living in finding something that none ever imagined before. He was investigating this rumor about beautiful ladies bathing on a lake, mistaken to be fairies that's been long extinct, turns out.

They were White and Black, angered. Both confronts him and White decided that she'll kill him and then had her corpse scattered around the lake. The hunter begs for forgiveness, although it was half-assed because he found something incredible but wanted to live to make living out of this. Black decided to let him go, and even convince White to agree with her, but of course the hunter had his memories erased. So one day, the hunter returns and doesn't remember anything.
One day he wants to pee but got terrified when his P* is gone and got replaced by something else.

Black confess "why kill a man when you can robbed him of his manhood forever?"
The lore-hunter becomes a hot topic, he got what he wanted but not in a comfortable way. And history even recorded the fact that there was once a case where a child was born out of man!

White was unnerved, Golding was terrified, Velvet and Red would ALWAYS think twice before ever messing with Black.

 

Are you trying to write a religious text or a story? It reads like a child's version of a religious text. You have a character that no one could connect with who is bigger than life and far away from anything people could ever experience. Just based on the blurbs you posted it looks more like a summary of a few different stories without any connection to each other aside from having the same character name.

 

hmmm I find it a bit odd/confusing that she has such a bloody past but yet she can feel sympathetic/empathetic to others. But definitely an improvement.
Tbh im not going to read the worldbuilding part lol i have little time for that rn. But it sees decent. The problem is that many of the stories in mythology are contradictory. Take any of greek/roman mythology. Mythology is for that culture so each culture will have a different interipation of it. For example, each greek city state had a different vision of Aphrodite/Venus (roman name), so how can they all be true?

 

Thanks for the feedback. And well, you can say that she was on a cycle of living in hatred and moment of peace.
And it makes her tired of being trapped in it, like she was a saint who was mistreated, then a witch who burns the world. Then a naive princess who were looking for a protection, died at the hand of someone who was promised to look after her. Then becomes a tyrant who executes all who opposes her, becoming a hero for the first time.
In each, you see a pattern where she dies first and kill everyone after.
But then the Librarians, Pandora was the only who wants to kill her. She killed her in self-defense and the next thing that happened was them trying to kill her in vain because they lost Pandora, their Messiah.
Those Librarians they don't mean harm to her, only Pandora. So, it's guilty inducing to kill bunch of people who'd sort of "lost" everything.
Eris kills people out of vengeance, never out of concern of her survival, those people, they're something that broke her pattern.
Thus her guilt.
Also, if any were to read ORV, remember that Hercules was some sort of divine weapon constructed by stories? Denying it, reveal the truth of what they truly are? It's sort of tactic, to denies one thing is to weaken it.
The contradictory is a weapon.
P.S: Interesting idea or a terrible idea?

Ouch, that hurts. And yes, unfortunately writing novel is out of question because I lack the ability to write details and etc. The reason why I wrote here is to write what's on my mind that's driving me crazy for awhile, so sorry if you're dissatisfied by it.

 

Very interesting, and thanks for explaining. Btw, did you know that Library of Ruina came out with a sequel? I forgot what it’s called, but it should be easy to find.

 

Limbus Company, I'm playing it, quite good and in particular. I love Heathcliff quote: I have not broken your heart, you did. And in breaking it, you have broken mine.

 

No need to get down on yourself, anyone who wants to tell a story can write. You just need to spend time fleshing out WHAT you want to write about.

Are you telling the story of Eris or are you telling the story of things Eris did? If you are telling the story of Eris you need to spend some time coming up with motivations for Eris. Why does she do things? When? Where? How? But, she doesn't just do them. She has a reason for doing them that's what lets people connect with the character. It's not enough that she does things. You have a lot of ideas about the how, where, and when but you are missing the why. The why could be said to be the most important part of her story.

 

Yes, I have plan for that. I merely lying it all pieces by pieces. So people can follow it and I would not lose track of it.
Eris motivation was to find a way to end her life, but it soon turns to the fact that she wanted to live.
The ones who connects this however, is still to early to reveal it. However they're the ones whom she reflect upon her experience, someone she can told "I understand", "You're not alone", and "Don't you want to return to your love ones?"
Which would eventually led her to choose on either abandoning the cycle of killed and kill them back or stick to it.

 

Ahahaha... I didn't notice this at first, I but I think I should explain as what I've said about laying it "piece by piece".
The whole story above was actually to provide background that later will serves as flashback into the past material. It's not even the prologue.
Hahaha, the real prologue happen on Wife and Mother part.

 

Spoiler: Act 0: A lucid dream

--Eris always have been trapped nightmare, each time it ends, she’ll be awoken to another. However, on one nightmare… she wish for it to be the one that she'll never be awoken from. Alas, as we know, even dreams must end, and so too for the dreamers to wake up, no matter how harsh their reality was...--
Eris... wake up dear~

Said the gentle voice, however it wasn't enough.

All it did was for it to made Eris slightly opens her eyes to see the blurring figure shade, before falling back to her sleep.

The voice again tell her to wake up, but all it gets was her request to give her another five minutes. But unfortunately, they don't have that much time remains.

As Eris was about to fall deeper into her sleep, she feels a warm embrace wrapping her. It was comfortable, and made her falls deeper--until, a gentle breeze tickle her ear and said "Eris~ I'll defile you~" with that, Eris wakes up with a jolt. Just in time for the door to be broken down.

From there, five children walked in, they're wearing armors and wields all sorts of weapon. The eldest of them, a fifteen year old with ashen hair and purple eyes raised his wand.

"O' Crownless King, release the lady of the air and darkness now!" he said confidently, much to the laughter of his siblings who believed it sounded 'cringe' whatever that word means.

Just then, she remember what this was and was about to say her line when a hand wrapped itself around her, and a man that's as beautiful as angel with a smile devious to that of a serpent came to her sight. He's the Crownless King, and he mocks the children by asking them to "kindly" leave them, before "licking her"

*Riette as the Crownless King, male btw.
*Yoojin as Eris, and yes. She's a female.

Eris was pale in disbelief, while the children were either disgusted and shocked.

The oldest, called Ash was about to cast a spell when an unprecedented development occurred.

While the King was laughing, he was struck by a fist coming from nearby, the hit was enough to sent him flying to the end of the room, which I might forgot to mention to have been quite big, like a throne room size. There, as he rose from the rubble, a single, warm word came out like a death threat.

"Therion dear~" Eris called him, and in an instant the atmosphere changed.
Ash and his siblings immediately aware of the situation and how dire things will be should they remained there, so they decided to get out of the room, leaving both the Lady and the King to solve things out. And even in wounded state, the King appears euphoric as if he was looking forward to this.

With that, an all out brawls broke out between them.

...

At dinner, the children sat on the table eating their dinner, while looking at the man, which is their father, appears happy despite appears one-sidedly-beaten, while their mother, even though she was unscathed, something tells them that the jerk excuse of their father had done something else to earn himself that one-sided-beating, aside from that vulgar licking.

To prevent the mood from ruining their dinner, the youngest child, Charlize asks their father about their progress on the exploration.
(E.d: note that Charlize is genderfluid, so they can be either male or female, but for now let's stick to neutral).

Anyway, Therion, the "Crownless King" tells them that they're the MVP of the exploration. Some of their siblings find it favoritism, until Eris, their mother put her judgement to light: First, was the firstborn child, Ascalon "Ash" for short. He did well on leading, providing support and disarming the traps. However, he's too fixated on something and even wasted an hour just to rid a horde of his father's illusions.

Next, were the twins; Cheshire and Crowley. They both were of no help for around 80% of the exploration, lazing around and even taking a nap in the middle of the battle. Taking things too lightly would invite danger for themselves and others. That aside though, they did rather hold back to stop Ash's rampage and dispelling the illusions.

Moving on to their eldest daughter, Avdotya. She did well being a tank and an aggro, however, too well and reckless at that. She often charges into battle herself, placing herself into danger more than any other, especially when it was not necessary to jump into combat. Had her siblings were too far away, separated or worse couldn't keep up because of exhaustion and wounds, the entire exploration might be doomed to fail.

On the other hand, Charlize done her role perfectly as a scout. She moves swiftly and quite, barely noticeable and were able to determined the safest route their group should head into, and unlike others too, she doesn't get carried away too much. Hearing how they were praised, Charlize was happy, their siblings though weren't exactly much, Eris then tells them that it's okay, besides their father had also gone too far doing that. And they're all agree with a smile on their face, even their father who's being scapegoated.

Later that night, the children went to sleep. Eris sang them a lullaby, and after they're asleep. She returns to her room, where Therion was waiting, shirtless. Eris went to bed and Therion asks her if he's doing a great job. Hearing this, the mood was odd, Eris stares at Therion, then rub his cheek, feeling warmth and in turn, he too feels comfort. Eris then said nonchalantly that she hopes he's real. That hurt Therion a bit, because for 20 years they were married, Eris still finds it hard to believe that everything around her; this palace, their children and him, was nothing but a construct of her yearning for happiness she was never meant have.

Finally, having had enough. Therion makes a bet with her: This bet applies to both side. If Eris wakes up and Therion was besides her, everything that she believes was a dream remains exist. She will stop thinking that her entire life here was a dream and believe that everything is real. However, if he wasn't and everything's gone when she wake up. Then yes, she can continue to believe everything's a dream, but if Therion was real... he'll find her and convinced her that everything they've gone through are real.

Eris was skeptic because she thinks Therion being a little too much for a dream, then he returns it with, can a dream chases after you in the waking? Immediately quieted her. Eris is frankly tired on whether or not to believe, because she's tired with her unending nightmare where she often wish that when it ends, it ends, but no. It never have...

Which is why Eris agrees with the bet, however she adds another condition: If he fails to find her within 10 years of the waking world, she will do what she always have, even if it means binding him to his cage. Therion was okay with that, both sides comes to agreement.

Later, as Eris was sleeping, Therion keeps repeating her name something to make sure that next morning, she knows that he's real along with everything. Eris keeps listening, however, slowly as time passes, his voice fades and unheard, Eris then wakes up. She's hoping that Therion won, but--

She's not in their room, not on her bed. She's somewhere in the woods, damp and foul. She was surrounded by the trees. She then look at her hand, it's smaller. She then find a puddle, and saw herself returned as a 12 year old.

She couldn't believe it, she doesn't want to. And could only giggle before derangedly laughing in despair.

Even though she win, she'd lost. This nightmare that's everlasting, this accursed life that will never end.

She'll be trapped forever.

This is the prologue, it's understandable right?

 

Personally, I was thinking on adding a part where she was having a nightmare, hearing curses from voices that calls her "Witch," "False-Saint," "Murderer," and all sorts. But kind of troubled on to writing the feeling.
Also, the reason the last part was bit hard(I intended it, did it work?) was because I want her to have this same RAGE like Superman did to Mongol, when he gifts him a hallucinogenic plant that causes him to live in a world where he have everything, like Krypton didn't blow up, his parents were alive, though shamed, he's married and even has a son. However, he had to let them all go to wake up, and... that's pretty hard. With Eris though, she was robbed of that life.
P.S: JLU remains the golden era of Cartoon, period.

 

Spoiler: Act 01: A cruel world, once and always have...

Eris doesn't know where to start, however back when she was 6th year old. Her parents passed away, leaving her and her brothers orphan, until they were taken care by another family. However, instead of being cared of, they were sold to slave trafficker. A year after, she lost her brothers after they were purchased without them knowing. Since then, Eris lives miserable and suffers from insomnia because fear of being r*ped by the slavers.

Then one day, once she was 10th. Eris was brought along with several other slaves that varies from adults to children of her age, humans and non-humans, such as half-beasts and beastfolk. They were about to be shipped to Capital's Entertainment district where most females are to sold as prostitutes and the males, particularly the beastfolk are sent to fight in the underground colosseum.

She doesn't want that, no, she would rather die. So, she waited for her chance, but of course... there weren't exactly much of chances since the slavers were keen. Any single thought of wanting to escape will get noticed and then crushed with whipping.

That is until they're heading to the capital through a hidden passage by the woods. So, in this woods, the security is more laxing compared to any route. But... the beasts can often run across them, so to prevent this, they used this herbal incense that drove beast away.
Eris figures that this would be her only chance, so she decides to messed with the pot, but got noticed by the one of the slavers, which led to her being whipped. But in that moment as well, they forgot to lit the incense.

Just as Eris were about to get whipped for the 10 times, everyone heard growls from the bushes. That's when pack of wolves came, the slavers weren't much in numbers, their weaponry were only short sword, crossbow and spears. The slaves weren't going to be much of help but to become sacrifices, even the beastfolks since they're bound to not be able to fight so long they're chained by runic cuffs.
As the wolves charges at them, Eris took her chance and run. Ther other slaves doesn't follow her, most because they're afraid and obviously it's pretty much a suicide attempt.

However, what she did gave something unexpectedly valuable. One of the slavers decided to chase after her, leaving only about 4 of them against pack of wolves. So, seeing that they're about to be overwhelmed, one of them, the young and recently turned to the job, got scared and... decided to unbind the beastfolks, so they fought, before eventually starts killing the slavers.

Eris doesn't know this, yet. Back to her, she's running through the woods, however her pursuer was more resilient, but still her agility was starting pissing him off. Eris doesn't know where she's heading, all the she knew was that she needs to find somewhere to shake her pursuer off or hurdles to slow him down. But there was no time for that, just then--something hit her, hard. She felt tremor across her back, immense pain that made her lose voice, numbing her limbs. She then fall, and her eyes just stared blankly to a tree that stood beside her. The slavers came, and pulled his axe out of her, he's annoyed that he'd just killed a goods, however those words were faint to her ear as she slowly lose her conscious. In the end, her last thought were all focused on one thing, a flower that grows near her.

It's... a rose--
--black,
it's... withering--
--yet, how... pretty.

...

Suddenly, Eris heard static voices and visions bursting forth and blurry.

First was a lady in white that said "Witches cannot be loved--"
Then comes the man in red "--We're not Casters."
Afterward a child in blue "Rid yourself of trivial sentiment--"
And eventually, the elderly in gold "--Lest you be hurt by this world's cruelty."

Next thing happened, she opens her eyes and wake up with a jolt.

She doesn't know what just happened, but she think she was supposed to be dead already, she grows more fearful after noticing the place where she was lying on was now dry red with foul stench of blood. She moved away and noticed something strange, the flower, the black rose. It was supposed to be there but now it's gone. And what became of it was on the back of her hand, a tattoo, of a small black rose, circled around wreath of thorns.

Eris thought that it was gods who heard and saved her, and thus she was grateful for it.

...

Back to the present, Eris looks at the place of her death, and the back of her hand. How ironic, at first she thought it was a blessing from the gods, but in the end it destroys her life, no, lives. In magnitude that perhaps, none can ever comprehend. She at first thought of Therion, but shook that thought away because she believes Therion was nothing but a construct of her mind, which to sum it up, it was her own conscience thought hoping to be understood... and to be happy.

Eris stopped thinking about them to avoid depression, she shifts her thinking towards her power, she wanted to know whether she still has it or not. She experimented on a tree where she touched it's bark and wills for it to give her power, suddenly her hands glow dark purple hue and the tree slowly became dry and eventually died from the loss of vitality. This power called "Absorption" in her first life, she found out about this after she feeds off from a corpse vitality, it's unnerving at the first try that was accidental, but now she's already gotten use to it.

She continue absorbing vitality, up to five trees and apologize "Sorry, but I need it more than you do. However, even if you're to protest, I'll do it anyway for my own sake."

Afterward, she goes off walking head off blindly. The reason behind this was #1, if she head towards the capital, the guards will hand her to Entertainment district trafficker. #2, she goes to a small town and got treated by a priest who then snitch her to the Archbishop that will make her a Saintess. #3, she goes on her own becoming an adventurer, but that's definitely a big no since they're probably watching her move from then on. So that's left her with 4#, just going blind, find new things to suffer from.

Night then came, and Eris wasn't hungry, having fed by the vitality she absorbs. Eris wanted to sleep but she couldn't, she keeps hearing Therion calling her name and her children pleas, it's driving her insane. And then, she heard a scream from nearby. She decides to go and have a look into it since it's better than slowly going more insane than she already have. However by the time she arrived, it's already too late.

Eris saw a carriage got attacked by orcs, last Eris remembered about the Capital and the woods was that there was this small orc tribe that live looting from tax evading merchants. And it seems like this poor merchant didn't think through and just head into the woods. Eris then heard the orc speaking, it's incomprehensible but she did once met this eccentric that once tries to comprehend the language of monsters, they taught her orc and troll, but that's that... since they died trying to learn from a goliath.

Anyway, she gets the gist of it. They're mocking the merchant they killed, he came in with nothing but half-assed guard that immediately ditched him to die, but they didn't kill him immediately, since the chief of their tribe plans to give his daughter *first* special. Hearing that Eris immediately soured out. She remembers what her teacher said about orc language, what special means that whoever the subject will be forced to spend a night with the tribe chosen partner. They recalled about meeting a man that escaped from this special night of the orc... he died a week later from broken pelvis.

Eris wanted to leave him, but then gets an idea.

She then comes toward the orc, and they saw her as a food. Wrong, Eris conjured the tree roots to entangle them, and in that instance, they got scared since they thought she was a Shaman, a priest to Wild tribes. She then tells the orc to take her to that tribe unless they want their people to fall under her curse.

For those who finds that peculiar scene with the rose familiar, it's actually a reference I taken from Drakengard.
Also, "Witches cannot be love." I get the idea of Witches from Mili song: Ga1ahad and the Scientific Witchery.
And lastly, the broken pelvis... anyone here know Futurama?

 

QQ: Anyone I'd like to create a side-character, they're temporary, like once met never seen again unless well, probably on a whim.
Anyway, they're a merchant, wimp, but bit crazy and often times can be bold for the sake of their interest, quirky but not too much.
I imagine them to be like Hange Zoe, because who doesn't like a crazy and intelligent merchant? Heck, I think if Hange were to work on IRS corruptors would think twice before commiting the act.
Anyway, I was wondering, any name recommendation?