Discussion How do you ask for help when you are struggling?

Most of the times I just bottle the emotions up and store them in my large imaginary room in my mind and "forget" about them lol or I try to get myself engage in entertainment things like reading novels or watching reels.

But there are some times when it's too much and you really need someone to talk to, so who do y'all approach? sibling? parents? friends? partner? how do you start a conversation with them? just straight up tell them how you are feeling or talk about a random topic and then slowly start talking about your feelings or straight up cry?

(I am the therapist friend who has never opened up about her feelings and now it's been 1 week since I have isolated myself in my room and haven't seen anyone msgs. Currently nothing is working anymore - meditation, music, exercise, anonymous venting etc.. I even googled how to ask help and it didn't help lmao pls give advices)

anyways mental heath memes cuz why not

 

Family, friend, stranger. It depends on your comfort zone and what sort of help you need.
For example, I'm more likely to look for comfort from a friend than my family when it comes to emotional and mental burdens. This is a rare case coz I often prefer dealing with my own emotions in my own pace.

If you're struggling with life: school, work, life *gesture wildly*, I think this is a thing better consulted with family if they're not a bad sort of family. You can do this in any communication that you're most comfortable with. A letter, a long chat/text message, in-person. But, I think doing it in person is the best way. Try to understand yourself, your limits, your troubles. Try to know that you're not worthless just because you are struggling. You're worthy of love and respect and support.

Mmm I may be a stranger, but if you want someone to talk to. My dm is open.

*ruffles*
good luck, hope it goes well.

 

Depends on you, if you are close enough and trust them just directly tell them your stories. But I would suggest a friend you can trust and willing to listen because they kinda can relate, more understanding, and less judgy than say, parents.

 

holy moly this is the sweetest text I have ever read in a while. Thank you very much. The problem is whenever I try to approach a friend to share my problems my brain immediately tells me - "what if they are struggling with their own problems? and now you will burden them with your own?" and I just stop and isolate myself.

Maybe this situation happens because many friends vent to me and I know how hard it is to comfort someone and not let the feelings get heavy on yourself + some years ago when I had a mental breakdown accidently in front of my mother , she told me to stop giving stress to the people around me. She isn't a bad mother but that line - the face she made when she said that... got imprinted in my mind. She was herself maybe herself struggling and said it our of anger and I myself know that it's okay to share my feelings but I am not able to express myself. *sigh* maybe one day I will be able to. Maybe time will heal? idk

 

I also tend to bottle it all in. At some point, though, those emotions seem like they'll just implode. I haven't opened up for YEARS until about a week ago. To my sister. One of the only people I trust lol. I tried anonymous messaging, sui*ide hotline, writing down my feelings, etc, etc. I did it all until I finally burst. Talk to the people you trust. It was so hard for me to do it. It took me nearly 2 weeks until my sleep-deprived mind suddenly decided to talk in the late hours of the night. And I feel better knowing someone I know knows about my struggles.

Anyway, in short, be sleep-deprived with the person you trust, and everything will come pouring out lol. Bring some tissues bc you might cry

 

well I can't open up to my parents cuz then they will dismiss it as "stress" lmfao

....is it concerning that I can't find someone on whom I can trust? My friends being courageous trusted me and vented but I on the other hand have never said a word to them about my feelings. Man I am really a coward I guess.

 

You're not a coward. You really aren't. I don't talk to my friends about my feelings either. I've had many friends come to me for advice, I've had them cry to me, and I've had them ask me for help, but I never did the same to them. I just don't feel comfortable telling them that stuff. I guess I felt like I was burdening them with my feelings. I didn't want to add to their pile of shit.

Find someone. Or something. Write your feelings down. Talk to strangers on the internet. Cry it out. Just let yourself feel the emotions rather than bottling them up. It just makes things worse. If you need to talk, you can PM me whenever and I'll answer back as soon as I can.

Different people have different ways of reacting to their feelings. Your friends vented, but you didn't. That's okay. It doesn't make you a coward. It just means you have a different approach to your own feelings.

 

If you're close to your family then I definitely recommend talking to them about this. They'll never judge you or purposefully use that information against you.

 

Thank you, just thank you. I never realized how much I wanted to hear these words. Maybe I do have a different way of approaching my feelings that I haven't discovered yet because I keep switching between different methods every time which sometimes makes me crazy and infuriated. I will try to discover more methods to relief my feelings until I find the right one.

 

Firstly, I recommend finding a nature trail or large park and going for a walk. Being in a location that does not remind you of your problems can help you relax and feel grounded. It's best to leave your phone at home, as phones often connect us to our problems. Try to run for a bit to get your blood pumping and exercise your senses by feeling the leaves or snow and noticing changes in temperature. It's important to get yourself out of the mental box that prevents you from feeling the world around you. Once you can sense yourself standing in the world again, in a regular, mundane park where nothing serious happens, you will feel alive and know that you will be okay no matter what your head says to you.
Although, I believe that the best place to go to clear your mind is a windy seaside during the winter season. It is a place where you can feel the cold wind blowing against your skin, hear nothing but the sound of the wind, and have to squint your eyes to avoid getting sand in them. You have to navigate your way between rocks, sand, water, and snow, and your mind becomes solely focused on this task. Afterward, you will feel incredibly light.
For me, experiences like this are the best 'meditation' and healing for the soul.

After you have taken this time for yourself, you can then decide who to talk to about your problems. Remember, friendship is a two-way street. You are not a trash bin for your friends, and if they come to you with their own feelings, it means they trust you, and you should trust them in return.
Need be, organize a wine evening. For some reason, my friend and I often spill our souls when we get to gather and drink, therefore we know each other's worries and problems. While alcohol is not the best thing in the world, it is the best thing for people who can't speak up and open on their own.

TLDR: Go out for a walk and get drunk with your friends.

 

That's great! I wish you luck in that case

 

well my mother did 3 years ago so never again lol

That actually sounds amazing cuz just by reading the text I felt good. I will try to make myself some time in the night today to get out for a walk though not the drunk part cuz I am underage + moral reasons haha.

 

Im so sorry that happened to you....

 

imo, you are not a coward... everyone got different way to vent about their own feelings. maybe you just haven't found someone who you really can trust, maybe that's why you can't let yourself to vent on them. as looking for someone who you can trust is not easy at all.

i agree with bad storm, try to understand yourself, your limit, your troubles. and you are worthy of love, respect and support.


and yea... i'm not the best with words, but if you need someone to talk to, even tho i don't really know what's going on in your life, my dm also open

remember, you are not alone in this journey called life. when you feel like you really need it (maybe someone to talk to, or something else), ask for it. take your time brother. after all it takes courage to live.

 

Yeah, it seems that you (Aqua) are very emotional/intense person, nothing wrong with that but it could be harmful to how you live, clearly. There are many theories on personality and it’s potential, but modern psychology dictates that people can’t change in a heart beat. So you have to work on yourself, I could give you some tips to improve that specifically but not right now.

Okay- are you sure these people are your friends? I don’t know enough about you, true, but if they will burden you then are they really friends? I know women have a different way of friendship than men (or at least very different from my own perspective) but that just seems down right toxic. Try getting more time alone. Also time doesn’t heal if you’re gushing blood all over the place all the time, figuratively.

It’s not concerning, it just means you are highly stressed, I’d think. The world is large and time is infinite, and your being is important as the world, you’ll find someone eventually, so just wait. But generally speaking you need to save yourself since no one will save another without payment of some kind.
I also want to point out a paradox, but I don’t have time, so ping me if you want to hear it

 

I share all of my worries with my sister, and she likewise done the same.
It's kind of a promise we made to ourselves, since we fear bottling up our emotions will led to a much disastrous things later on.

Mistake can be made once, but not twice else we may as well be a fool.

 

nah it's okay I was never close to my family that much anyway

thank you very much for the kind words!

 

So the paradox is: you want to escape your angst, but it’s what is noticing you to run away, basically tying you down. You want to run away, so your fear (of being too emotional) chases after you. It’s a paradox, I guess, since you drag along what you are chasing. You need to calm down and stop running and acknowledge that you are stressed and explore it. You can start healing after the fact, but to me it seems that you are still going through it, so right now it would be best to find a coping mechanism instead of trying to heal.

 

honestly you are correct. I don't get attached easily but when I do I am giving 100% trust in it. I am still trying to figure it out what exactly I need to live a good life.

....wow that actually describes my situation but I do know I am stressed or going through a "sad phase". The problem imo is that I don't how to explore it or how to overcome it. My mood is like a flipping coin, it changes so instantly that I sometimes go crazy trying to make decisions. Basically my legs are in two different boats at the same time leading to me drowning in the end of the phase and this starts all over again.

 

Simple. I don't.

I'm just here to scroll through the replies. Anyway.

Spoiler: Useless rant

Neither of my parents was any good at helping with stuff. They'd go, "I told you so" or "How can you be so stupid" or "You deserve it" and do nothing to help. When I got bullied for the entirety of middle school, they said I need to see a neurologist to help with my outbursts at home hehe. The "deserve it" bit came from telling them I got bullied. Grandbitch hated my guts, grandpa was dead. Never knew my other set of grandparents. Aunt always compared herself to my mother, and her children to me and my sister. The only thing she was capable of feeling was envy or schadenfreude. Basically, only unreliable adults around me while I was growing up.

And me being a straight-A student, and teachers having their kids in the same school, they were always comparing their children to me, so if I wasn't doing well, they'd get some relief that at least their children were ok in that regard. Well, I got that in hindsight. I was wondering why they weren't that helpful or just standing by at the time. So... the only person who actually helped when I had a problem was my sister, not much older than me. But I don't want to burden her, so I don't tell her any heavy shit I deal with. She has her own stuff to deal with, same parents after all. Now I'm old enough to go, "Eh, what's the worst that could happen? Live under a bridge? Get stabbed? We're all gonna die anyway." *shrug* It is what it is. If you had no one to rely on growing up, you kinda learn to manage by yourself. There are people who grew up in even worse circumstances. Mine only looked good from a bystander's POV, but yeah, I didn't grow up in a war-torn country, I never had to work manual labor as a 7-year-old, didn't have a molesting uncle, so what the hell do I have to complain about.