Discussion Would you date someone you aren't attracted to?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Lurking, Feb 10, 2024.

?

Would you date someone you weren't attracted to

  1. No way

  2. Maybe if we had common interests

  3. I'd be so down to date anyone I don't care if they aren't attractive

  4. I'm already dating but no way

  5. I'm already dating but yeah sure

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

    Joined:
    May 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    12,311
    Reading List:
    Link
    My acquaintance has a lot of problems they don't look into.

    Carolina, she just has problems and thinks romance could solve them. It's the same problems year after year, but she brought up an interesting thing. Apparently its popular enough to date someone you aren't attracted to that there are wiki pages about it.

    Personally, I wouldn't date someone I had zero attraction to. And I'm attracted to things other than looks. I'm unsure if the info was just for people you had zero attraction to their looks, or zero attraction in general. I've done that because I was attracted to their personality, and we had lots in common... personality is attractive to me.


    I think she was desperately trying to come up with a reason someone would be attracted to her? She's had a rocky love life. She also refuses to go out and meet people and continually complains about how she isn't meeting people... which is one of her big problems imo.

    Her other thing is she complains about how lonely she is and then never shows up when her friends invite her to things, which is why she is not my friend, my friends show up or they aren't my friends after flaking too many times.
     
  2. Nefasdetestasti

    Nefasdetestasti ❄️Wɪɴᴛᴇʀ's Sᴏɴɢ❄️ ||| [Schrödinger Pantsu]

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2015
    Messages:
    3,165
    Likes Received:
    24,554
    Reading List:
    Link
    Somehow, it feels like she has narrow POV in life.. that must be why she's suffering a lot with relationship and stuff.

    Yeah, it's better for her to meet a lot of people. From bad to good people.
     
    Lurking likes this.
  3. Baldingere

    Baldingere Roseau pensant

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2020
    Messages:
    2,391
    Likes Received:
    2,999
    Reading List:
    Link
    No. If after getting to know each other and chatting I don't feel any connection, I'm not gonna count on it happening after we date.
     
    Lurking likes this.
  4. TouchMeLikeASpaceBar

    TouchMeLikeASpaceBar [Innocent]

    Joined:
    May 15, 2019
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    11,635
    Reading List:
    Link
    For me there has to be at least some physical attraction
     
    Lurking likes this.
  5. Bielt

    Bielt 『Planets Eater』『The Sin of Animosity』

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2016
    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    29,441
    Reading List:
    Link
    If I have a good relationship with that person and we have similar enough taste on things I could indeed try it out, that is because I don't believe in fiery love nor that physical attraction is needed for a relationship to work

    But it's a very situational thing I rarely see someone that I am not attracted to their personality that I think I could make a relationship work with
     
    Lurking likes this.
  6. Effugium

    Effugium [Investigator], Praise Shigure-sama

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2017
    Messages:
    1,093
    Likes Received:
    11,392
    Reading List:
    Link
    I wouldn't date someone I have no physical attraction to. Like, no matter how good a guy's personality and how compatible we are interm of hobby. I wouldn't date him simply because I am straight and not physically attracted to a guy.

    But assuming it's someone I can be physically attracted to even if only a little. I might date them if we are compatible in term of personality. Similarly, no matter how physically attractive someone is, I wouldn't date them if I don't like their personality.
     
  7. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2015
    Messages:
    5,658
    Likes Received:
    8,657
    Reading List:
    Link
    Attractiveness is a plus, but I’ve seen many beautiful women that are a pain to be with. So it takes more than attractiveness. Many not all beautiful women can be crazy, needy, dumber, greedy, manipulative, violent, Karen, narcissistic, snobbish or etc. So it takes more than looks to keep my attention. Having a good personality is just as important or more so
     
    Lurking likes this.
  8. Psy0

    Psy0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2020
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    77
    Reading List:
    Link
    Before we judge your friend, we must realize that people get into relationships for different reasons. For some it’s an issue of survival because having financial or emotional support is better than homelessness, hunger, and misery. For others, they are more fortunate and have “choices” and get to be picky. Many of us are not the fortunate type though. Lower expectations anyone?
     
  9. Kelsealoufromkalamazoo

    Kelsealoufromkalamazoo [The Luckiest Sunfish]

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2022
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    960
    Reading List:
    Link
    That’s like asking ‘would you eat something you don’t like’. If you’re not attracted to a person, why would you date them, marry them, give up your life for them? (What I’m talking about is being attracted to the inside, not the outside) It seems illogical and just asking for both people to end up miserable.
     
    Lurking likes this.
  10. Psy0

    Psy0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2020
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    77
    Reading List:
    Link
    Being attracted starts with interacting with the other person. Often the best first impression is the look of the other person. If you want to go beyond looks then you need to interact with them for a long time and then learn to appreciate their other qualities. Well that or get drunk, laid, and a pregnancy involved. That throws all of the above into the air.
     
  11. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

    Joined:
    May 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    12,311
    Reading List:
    Link
    No that is not her situation. She has a special situation where she is pretty much set as long as she does not get into relationships. She is disabled and these people aren't supposed to have relationships, says the gov.

    Getting into relationships is very bad for her, financially speaking. But she states how much she needs a relationship, and recently mentioned finding incel information. I warned her away from it but who knows.

    And she keeps flaking out on her friends.

    That's what I thought, but it felt wierd about the wikipages on how to date someone you aren't attracted to.

    Are those for mail order brides? Hobosexuals???

    Oh and I have had a different friend just accept to date another friend she explicitly had zero interest in that way, but they were friends so they had common ground.

    She said she was Ace so it was all the same anyways and she liked him as a friend so I guess that's different.
     
  12. Psy0

    Psy0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2020
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    77
    Reading List:
    Link
    Well, you just agreed with my point. She needed the relationship for emotional or physical support. Just because you and the government deems she is unfit or underserving of love (physician or emotional), doesn’t mean she has to agree and obey. Where you see an exploitative relationship, she sees her only way out of chains that was put on her by an unfortunate birth and society.

    Now if she is completely unfit mentally (as in mental age of 3 years old), that’s a different story.

    Let me tell you a real situation. I work at a small doctor clinic and we had this old grandma in a wheelchair come in from the homeless shelter for having STDs. She would come in for treatment every month, sometimes several times per month. Now by any standard that’s unacceptable, so we asked if she needed help like the police and social services to move out of shelter. You know what she told us?

    “ Why would I stop? I get to have sex with young men much younger than me. We even have intense orgies. Where would I get this kind of fun at my age?” Turns out she wasn’t poor at all. She just likes to visit the homeless shelter for bootie calls with young men.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2024
  13. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

    Joined:
    May 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    12,311
    Reading List:
    Link
    Oh, I was just seeing the financial stuff.

    ...but... her emotional health needs a therapist. She is a whole person with all the needs that come with.

    But she's looking for someone to fix her, not looking to love someone? Maybe they are the same to her.

    And I dont think that certain people are undeserving of love until they get xyz therapy. But if she hasnt worked on her obvious problems so far, and she wants a partner to do that for her, I think that is a problem.

    She also doesnt like the idea of being ok without a partner and she... isnt entitled to someone devoting their life to her. thats a luck based thing.

    She also doesn't want to go out and do things...

    In my experience, I find partners by going out and doing something I love, and being at the thing I love because I love it, and happening to flirt with someone reciprocal.

    I just flirt all the time by accident, and flirting is about plausible deniability, and being friendly? I learned.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2024
  14. Kaylee

    Kaylee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2019
    Messages:
    2,381
    Likes Received:
    1,894
    Reading List:
    Link
    Attraction is not only for face, right?
     
    Lurking likes this.
  15. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2016
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    18,142
    Reading List:
    Link
    no~ why even bother? date on this case mean become a couple that is~ if just hangout then sure even just two of us once a while~ been there done that~ friend zone is kind of normal for Mua ... it hurts sometimes ya know~
    put that aside~ yup seem your friend do have mental problem~

    face/physical trait, wealth, intelligence, personality~ basically those with no particular order and may mix each other~
     
    Lurking likes this.
  16. Psy0

    Psy0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2020
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    77
    Reading List:
    Link
    Some people are just horny, men and women both. Most “date” as a way to get laid and not for relationship. If they get “lucky” and get someone financially stable then it can become a relationship.

    Sadly, doing things like that is often reciprocal. Meaning, the other person is also judging you just like you judged them. Just because you think you both fit doesn’t mean they do. So we have a lot of breakups and divorces.

    The way out of that mess is to first build your own foundation of strong values. Stick to it and find someone who share it. If you value things that can disappear easily like looks, size, and money then so will your relationship. People age, impotence is a real problem for tall men, and money is fleeting.
     
  17. xiazixin

    xiazixin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2017
    Messages:
    1,375
    Likes Received:
    652
    Reading List:
    Link
    Read through the entire threads. As someone who is a magician in middle age, sometimes it does get lonely. Sometimes It's not about attractiveness. I would dream of having another partner who would just pick up the component for me when my soldering component dropped on the floor. As someone who can shut in the house for weeks doing things, I'm interested in. But sometimes it's quite lonely.

    Sure, my groups of friend and I often joke about, "not having a partner means more cash for hobbies". Sure, we all know that not having a partner means additional cash for brushless motor vs brushed motor, better and more expensive Actuator upgrade for 3D printer and robotics. All of us knows that it's impossible to spent like how we use to when we got a partner.
    Some of us get married, and he couldn't even keep his server switch (for normies, switch is something like a Wi-Fi router but without Wi-Fi functions.) running as the switch cost 70 Watts of power and is too costly to run. When he bought a Xeon E5V4 with 88thread, 44core, 2 NUMA a few years back and couldn't even pay electric bill nowadays.

    It's never about attractiveness but accompany.

    Personally, I do visit some of my friends from time to time. It's enjoyable. With topic common topics like Televisions, speakers fingerings, camera and computers to unrelated topic like anime and game. All the way to uncommon topic like Proprioceptive Actuator, bearings and flight controllers.

    Sure, times flies when been with someone with common topics. But those people are not part of your life. You're still single in life.

    you might not feel as such, but once you became a magician you will sympathy with your friends.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2024
    Cutter Masterson likes this.
  18. Psy0

    Psy0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2020
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    77
    Reading List:
    Link
    Men want someone just like their mothers who puts up with their antics and hobbies. Women want to be pampered and cared for. See the disconnect in expectations?

    Relationships are compromises. You have to take time away from your job and hobby to give attention to your partner. They too have to sacrifice some of their time for you. And if you learn to live with it, then it becomes habit and a long lasting relationship. Finding someone who can do the above is hard.

    The best partner is someone who isn’t too good looking. Those kinds have unrealistic expectations of their partners and usually end up in multiple relationships anyway. Then one day they realized they are old and no longer as pretty. Their expectations are lowered and they can then get into a long lasting relationship.
     
  19. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

    Joined:
    May 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    12,311
    Reading List:
    Link
    Yes, also attraction for personality and shared interest counts

    I don't, this is both pampering and being cared for.

    These are the same, you just don't have a specific hobby being mentioned to be cared for and around for women.